Laundry Day (A Traumatizing Sally Story)

Today was one of Sally's first days off in the big city. Sally thought to herself, I can think of no better way to spend my day off than doing laundry in this apartment I am renting. Doing the laundry is such a refreshing and energizing task. I can't wait!

Sally may have had too much to drink this morning.

Nevertheless, Sally went right to work. After buying some cheap detergent down the street, she came back and fiddled with the buttons and dials on the old washing machine, just like her roommate had done the other day. However, when she opened the lid, she was surprised to find a large army of ants. Ants upon ants upon ants. They seemed to be using the inside of the machine as a modern day anthill!

Well, I'm smarter than any old little ant, Sally thought. I'll just run an empty cycle to drown them all out, and wipe up the outside of the machine. So she let some water run its course through the machine, and found some rubbing alcohol to get those ants so mighty drunk they would die. And then she could do a clean load of laundry.

NOPE.

To Sally's dismay, while many of the ants drowned, many more simply found someplace to hide. And while sanitizing their tracks should have deterred them, it seems as though the ants were quite fond of the alcohol.

Sally was left with a choice: Try to do a load of laundry at the apartment in the old machine, or haul her undies down the street to the laundromat. I'll try it here this time, and see how it goes. Maybe it won't be so bad, she thought.

While a few ants may have slipped into the water while washing, everything seemed to be going well enough. Maybe this was something she could get used to for the short time she lived here, and it wouldn't even be an issue. Until the spin cycle started.

BANG BAM WOCK WOCK WOCK BANG BANG. The washer shook and tumbled all around the room, banging the kitchen counters next to it. The dishes drying on the rack soon began to dance across the counter, precariously headed for the floor.

Sally rushed to the washer and pulled the dial, stopping the hazardous machine in its track. Too scared to turn the machine back on, Sally pulled her soggy clothes out of the machine, rushing to beat the ants. Now it was time to hang her clothes on the drying rack.

Sally quickly ran out of space on the drying rack, and realized she would have to hang some non-unmentionables on the line outside. Though it took some time and critical thinking, Sally was able to hang just about everything on the rack.

Now it was time to POWER DRY. She turned to the fan and flipped it on high. Too much. She flipped to the medium setting. The fan died. With a heavy sigh, she turned it back on high and stepped away. All of her underwear flew up and splatted on the floor.

The end.

Moral of the story: A walk down the street and a hefty amount of quarters are less valuable than Sally's sanity.