Antsy Pants

Dear I don't know your name (let's call you Antsy) Customer,

Why do you always look like you are in a huge hurry to get somewhere? You just got off work. You are a grown-ass man, do you have a curfew? It is 1 a.m., I am confused. I am also irritable because instead of waiting like a normal person, you literally bounce from foot to foot. Is the minute it takes me to ring up your shit and process the transaction really a minute too much?

Yes, I know you want a bag. You always want a bag for the 3 items you purchase every night. You've been coming here for all 4 years I've been working here. You don't need to tell me you need a bag while I'm still putting your money in my drawer and handing you the receipt. I got it. In fact, one time I started bagging your shit before you gave me your money. I left 2 things out to deal with your cash, and then because putting those 2 things into the bag while I finished cashing you out was (apparently) too much for you to handle yourself, I put them in the bag after I was done. So don't act like I'm slowing you down.

Also, if I am being slow putting your money away, it's because it's always a wrinkled pile of shit. Maybe invest in a wallet, or fold it when you get it? I don't want to tell you how to live your life. I'm just saying, it wouldn't take me 15 seconds (of your valuable time) to straighten it all out if it wasn't a crinkled pile of deuces.

Trust me, I also want you out of the store just as quickly as possible.

Sincerely Yours,
Bitchy & I Know It

ps. This is why I glare at you every night.